Lies

When you're feeling strongly discouraged; words of comfort from others just sounds like lies.

I guess I was just an idiot dreaming of an impossible dream.

Getting knocked down like that hurt, but I ain't gonna complain.

No use crying over split milk..

The answers are just one; I really am not suited for this thing or two; I'm not good enough.

....

Now who can answer that for me?

Who can tell me if I'm really am not suited for this or I just need more improvement?..

I wish if I'm not good at this; someone would just tell it straight into my face; tell me this ain't my thing & I'll immediately drop this dream of mine & move on..

If not, I'm just here feeling darn hurt cos I feel like I'm just a useless damn idiot that doesn't know what she can do or do well in for the future.

I don't know what to do now.

I just feel like all my dreams & fantasies are all crushed with just that one email.

Damn, now I know how hurtful & hurtful rejection feels.

Like; just damn.

DO IT RIGHT.

Tohoshinki - Bolero (Orgel/Music Box Version)

If you knew me well enough, you would know I just love orgel version of songs...like alot. ^^

Man, if I ever had a kid in a future or something, I'll make this their melody, forever.

We made our ICs about a few weeks ago? OTL bad memory... Anyway, this time my Christian's name officially in. Meaning instead of having "LIM XIAO SHI" in my IC & class attendance lists, it will be "VENESSA LIM XIAO SHI" from then onwards -until I get it.

But I'm confused now... Since all my classmates & ppl I know have been calling me by my chinese name, do I still write 'Lim Xiao Shi' in my homework & stuff or 'Venessa Lim' or 'Venessa Lim Xiao Shi'? Like OTL I DA NAAAAA....

& even after my name's changed, I STILL RATHER YOU PEOPLE CALL ME BY MY CHINESE NAME COS YOU GUISE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE OR SPELL MY CHRISTIAN NAME PROPERLY. .__.

One is enough.

Sore eyes & unhealthly-looking skin color from lack of sleep.

I can't help but feel like I look like a zombie now..

Maybe its cos I got tanned a few weeks back before or its just cause of the lack of sleep. I'm having the 2-4 dreams in a night thingy again. & that only happens when I'm seriously worn out. I haven't had a nightmare that can end up having me waking up in sweat or tears for at least 8 years now, but I'm still having these stressful dreams whereby one comes straight after the other ends & all those dreams are really really confusing & tiring ones. They seem so real that when I wake up, its as if I haven't gotten any sleep yet. I won't be able to remember what the dream was but all I know & remember was that those dreams were really confusing ones.

I'm so tired these days I find myself dozing off in class. & if you know me well enough, you'll know this girl here NEVER falls asleep in class even if she wants to or forces herself to. =.=

I don't know, maybe its just the stress in school finally catching up to me or something but I definitely don't like being like this.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddd......I am scaring myself whenever I look back at all the profile pictures I had for FB. I'm looking back at them & I actually tilted my head at one & asked myself, ".....Who's that?" when it is just me. O_O

One after another

Before I start anything....

http://www.dbsknights.net/2011/08/trans-110803-interview-2-kim-jaejoong.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter <---- THIS MADE ME CRY.

Fitting it.

What's wrong about that? Damn I really can't tolerate this anymore. People always say, "Just be yourself, be happy with who you are with or around."

Yeah, easier said than done sometimes...

I'm different, that's that.

I'm different than most of the girls in my age group. I don't follow Kpop bands much; I only follow 2. I don't play online games or have a single game in my iTouch either. I don't listen to English songs much either; I don't like Lady GaGa or Katy Perry or whatever, I can't even spell their name right. I don't like to hang out with popular people much; especially the negative ones.

I have one heck of a temper but I tend to hold it back until it reaches my limit. Instead of hanging out with friends & family during the weekends I go for cgm & church services.

I miss out so much b'cos of all these. I can't fit in well unlike most people cos of these. I tend to be more quiet cos I don't wanna be a blabbermouth but people just keep using that to their advantage.

If I talk, I'm said to be annoying, I don't talk, I'm said to be anti-social. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

You know you want it, but you also know you can't do it.

Want & Need.

That's what I want & need now.

That's what I want to do & need to do now.

But the problem is, I can't do it.

It'll be just too cruel if I did.

I don't wanna turn my back to you all just cause I can't take it anymore.

Yes, I know it wouldn't be fair for me if I stayed.

But it wouldn't be fair for you guys too if I left.

Hate me, need me, or whatever, I've made my decision; I not gonna leave until there's someone good enough to come take my place.

Obviously this journey isn't looking good for me, but hey, life's a climb & its just gonna get harder & harder here..

Yeah the climb might seem never ending but haha, no choice right?

I'll do my best. That's that.

I'll do my best to satisfy you all, even though I really hate doing this to myself.

For you guys; I'll stay.

Talent

OHHHHH MMMMYYYYY GGGGOOOOODDDEEEEE.....

YK zone Youth camp's on the 9th - 11th June & I'm performing on the 2nd day of the camp!! Pastor Kong's gonna be there on the 2nd day of the camp like kgbfwebgfewbgfewbgfjgbfewjgbfjwebfjwebjebfgjewbgjewbg!!!!!111!!11

So yeah, yesterday was the 1st meet up for those who are participating in the performance. To say the truth, when they said the group consisted of youths that can either dance or act, I was sorta expecting at least 10 - 15 people or more? But surprisingly, there were only 4 girls including me & 3 guys. Only 2 guys turned up yesterday though, not very sure if its 3 or 4 guys in total. & guess what? Out of us 4 girls, I was the only one that was in drama, the other 3 were dancers. O_o

Anyway we just made our way to Esplanade after everyone was here & we were briefed what was going to happen ect. Then ahhhhhhh, here's the scary part for me; everyone was supposed to ''showcase their talent''. The dancers will have to dance for the two ladies(our ''judges") while the actors will have to act so that they'll know which character/scene would suit us the most. I was the last one to "showcase my talent". Damn, I was sooooooo nervous. (I was the only most un-experienced one.) Anyway, I just tried my best & the beginning was AWFUL!! I kept looking away & smirking cos I can't seem to get what I wanted to do do out right. & just when the feelings I wanted to act out finally came into me, an Indian guy showed up. ._. YEP. An Indian guy showed up... Here was what happened.

Judge 1 : "Ah yes sir? What can I do for you?"

Indian guy : "Oh I'm sorry, I know that you guys are in a middle of...something. But can you guys do a survey for me? It'll just take a while."

Judge 1 : *looks at me & the other judge for a while* "I'm really sorry but we're really in a middle of something & we're in a rush of time..."

Indian guy : "Just a quick survey! It'll take less than 2 minutes I promise."

Judge 1 : *Has no choice* "Okay then."

So.... Yeah, poor Venie got cockblocked. .__.

I thought I did horribly poor so I asked Judge 2 if I could redo...

Judge 2 : "CAN! OF COURSE!" *smiles*

& after the survey was done & Judge 1 came back to her seat, I asked if I could redo...

Judge 1 : "I'm so sorry, but we are all in a rush of time & there's not enough time dear.."

Me : "B-b-b-but... I really did very bad just now, I was really nervous.."

Judge 1 : "No, you did pretty well actually. Better than we expected, you're already over the level we wanted."

Judge 2 : *nods head in agreement* "Yeah, really professional. You have talent."

Me : ....Okay, thanks. (Thought: ....Was I really that great? I can handle the truth ya know... ;A;)

So yeah, after a while the 2 Judges had a little time alone to discuss & I seriously got the role I acted just now. LIKE WOW. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!! O_O

Tomorrow's the 1st practice for my scene! Hope all goes well & I won't be so nervous!!!

VENEVL HWAITING! ^w^

I'll post more tomorrow.

Haha was having fun with the webcam. ^^
The past 3 days were elective module! It was fun! I learnt photoshop & more things about photography. We also learnt how to use the DSLR & everything! I used my own small digital cam though, but the good things is that I got to keep all the photos I took while the people who used the DSLRs had to surrender all the photos..
Junior Chef people really can cook! Just look at what they cooked!! :L

excuse me of mine lousy
photography skills...

Anyways, The hospitality people were great too! Yes, more pictures~