DO IT RIGHT.

Tohoshinki - Bolero (Orgel/Music Box Version)

If you knew me well enough, you would know I just love orgel version of songs...like alot. ^^

Man, if I ever had a kid in a future or something, I'll make this their melody, forever.

We made our ICs about a few weeks ago? OTL bad memory... Anyway, this time my Christian's name officially in. Meaning instead of having "LIM XIAO SHI" in my IC & class attendance lists, it will be "VENESSA LIM XIAO SHI" from then onwards -until I get it.

But I'm confused now... Since all my classmates & ppl I know have been calling me by my chinese name, do I still write 'Lim Xiao Shi' in my homework & stuff or 'Venessa Lim' or 'Venessa Lim Xiao Shi'? Like OTL I DA NAAAAA....

& even after my name's changed, I STILL RATHER YOU PEOPLE CALL ME BY MY CHINESE NAME COS YOU GUISE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE OR SPELL MY CHRISTIAN NAME PROPERLY. .__.

One is enough.

Sore eyes & unhealthly-looking skin color from lack of sleep.

I can't help but feel like I look like a zombie now..

Maybe its cos I got tanned a few weeks back before or its just cause of the lack of sleep. I'm having the 2-4 dreams in a night thingy again. & that only happens when I'm seriously worn out. I haven't had a nightmare that can end up having me waking up in sweat or tears for at least 8 years now, but I'm still having these stressful dreams whereby one comes straight after the other ends & all those dreams are really really confusing & tiring ones. They seem so real that when I wake up, its as if I haven't gotten any sleep yet. I won't be able to remember what the dream was but all I know & remember was that those dreams were really confusing ones.

I'm so tired these days I find myself dozing off in class. & if you know me well enough, you'll know this girl here NEVER falls asleep in class even if she wants to or forces herself to. =.=

I don't know, maybe its just the stress in school finally catching up to me or something but I definitely don't like being like this.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddd......I am scaring myself whenever I look back at all the profile pictures I had for FB. I'm looking back at them & I actually tilted my head at one & asked myself, ".....Who's that?" when it is just me. O_O

One after another

Before I start anything....

http://www.dbsknights.net/2011/08/trans-110803-interview-2-kim-jaejoong.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter <---- THIS MADE ME CRY.

Fitting it.

What's wrong about that? Damn I really can't tolerate this anymore. People always say, "Just be yourself, be happy with who you are with or around."

Yeah, easier said than done sometimes...

I'm different, that's that.

I'm different than most of the girls in my age group. I don't follow Kpop bands much; I only follow 2. I don't play online games or have a single game in my iTouch either. I don't listen to English songs much either; I don't like Lady GaGa or Katy Perry or whatever, I can't even spell their name right. I don't like to hang out with popular people much; especially the negative ones.

I have one heck of a temper but I tend to hold it back until it reaches my limit. Instead of hanging out with friends & family during the weekends I go for cgm & church services.

I miss out so much b'cos of all these. I can't fit in well unlike most people cos of these. I tend to be more quiet cos I don't wanna be a blabbermouth but people just keep using that to their advantage.

If I talk, I'm said to be annoying, I don't talk, I'm said to be anti-social. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

You know you want it, but you also know you can't do it.

Want & Need.

That's what I want & need now.

That's what I want to do & need to do now.

But the problem is, I can't do it.

It'll be just too cruel if I did.

I don't wanna turn my back to you all just cause I can't take it anymore.

Yes, I know it wouldn't be fair for me if I stayed.

But it wouldn't be fair for you guys too if I left.

Hate me, need me, or whatever, I've made my decision; I not gonna leave until there's someone good enough to come take my place.

Obviously this journey isn't looking good for me, but hey, life's a climb & its just gonna get harder & harder here..

Yeah the climb might seem never ending but haha, no choice right?

I'll do my best. That's that.

I'll do my best to satisfy you all, even though I really hate doing this to myself.

For you guys; I'll stay.